Belonging
by Riley4
Summary: Jenny muses over her betrayal


Belonging  
  
By Riley  
  
Rating: - PG.  
  
Genre: - Angst. Episode Related.  
  
Pairing: - Jenny/Giles.  
  
Disclaimer: - I do not own anything relating to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I do not mean to infringe on any copyrights. I am not making any money from this. Any original ideas however are mine.  
  
Note: - This is set after Innocence. The song is "Underneath Your Clothes" by Shakira.  
  
Jenny sat huddled on her couch, a hot mug of coffee in her hands. Her radio was turned on, and she was trying to drown out her inner voice that kept telling her what a lying bitch she'd been. She sniffed and clutched the hot mug closer to her chest, hoping for some of its warmth to penetrate her insides. She felt so cold and so very alone. It was all her own fault. She'd played a very dangerous game, and she'd lost. Now the only man she had ever truly connected with despised her. He wasn't meant to find out about her like he had. Now he wouldn't be in the same room as her, let alone look at her, or speak to her. He rightly thought she was a deceiving. . .what? Whore? Did he think she had only slept with him to get information for her clan? Oh God! she hoped not. It hadn't been like that. She'd been stupid enough to fall in love with him. A Shakira song started playing on the radio, and Jenny's ears pricked up at the lyrics.  
  
"You're a song  
  
Written by the hands of God  
  
Don't get me wrong cause  
  
This might sound to you a bit odd  
  
But you own the place  
  
Where all my thoughts go hiding  
  
And right under your clothes  
  
Is where I find them  
  
Underneath your clothes  
  
There's an endless story  
  
There's a man I chose  
  
There's my territory  
  
And all the things I deserve  
  
For being such a good girl honey"  
  
She smiled sadly. Oh yeah, underneath all that tweed was an exceptional man- - -her man. Or at least, he had been.   
  
"Because of you  
  
I forgot the smart ways to lie"  
  
It was all too true. She used to be a good lier, it ran in her family, like her dark hair and eyes. But the more she'd got to know Rupert Giles, the harder she had found it to lie and keep her cover. Her family had been so very angry with her for blowing her cover and not talking her way out of Buffy's accusations. They'd been right of course; in the past there was a time when she would have easily thought up something smart to brush off Buffy's accusations and keep her cover. But Rupert had been standing right there, and all she could think about was him.   
  
"Because of you  
  
I'm running out of reasons to cry"  
  
Jenny sniffed again and let out a sarcastic snort. Yeah, until recently she'd been happy and had no reason to cry. And that had been because of him. Every time she walked into a room where he was, her spirits had lifted. Even just thinking about him had put a smile on her face, thoughts and heart. But all that, had come crashing down, like an almighty waterfall, when he had found out the truth.  
  
"When the friends are gone  
  
When the party's over  
  
We will still belong to each other"  
  
God, I hope this is true. Maybe when it's all settled down a little, she and Rupert could still be together! She'd do practically anything to get him back. She'd never felt like she belonged to anyone before. Janna Kalderash had always been a free spirit. She had laughed at the notion of ties. And the idea of 'belonging to' anyone, let alone a stuffy Englishman, had always been looked on with scorn by her. She had always been independent. She didn't need, let alone 'belong to', anyone. But then he'd come along, and if she was to be honest with herself. . .she snorted at her and 'honest' in the same sentence. . .she, Janna, Jenny, whatever the hell she should refer to herself as, felt that she belonged with and to, the sweet caring, brave and strong Englishman Rupert Giles. And whether he would admit it or not, she also knew that he belonged to her. She'd felt it when they'd been together. He must have too. And if they didn't belong to each other, then why the hell did it hurt so much to be shunned by him?  
  
"Underneath your clothes  
  
There's an endless story  
  
There's a man I chose  
  
There's my territory  
  
And all the things I deserve  
  
For being such a good girl honey  
  
I love you more than all that's on the planet  
  
Movin' talkin' walkin' breathing  
  
You know it's true  
  
Oh baby it's so funny  
  
You almost don't believe it  
  
As every voice is hanging from the silence  
  
Lamps are hanging from the ceiling  
  
Like a lady to her good manners  
  
I'm tied up to this feeling"  
  
Jenny started to cry. God! I do love him so much, and he won't believe me now. What a mess. How am I ever going to get him to believe me?. . . 


End file.
